567,648,000 Seconds.

18 years.
Its been approximately 567,648,000 seconds since you've been gone.
From time to time I wonder how different my life would be if you were still in it.
Would I be daddy's girl instead of mommy's shadow?
Would I be the trouble child you just wouldn't know what to do with anymore?
Or would I be the same I am now?
The same clumsy, dorky, awkward girl who escapes to her own world almost all the time,
who, if i'm being honest, you probably still wouldn't know what to do with.
Im pretty sure mom doesn't sometimes.

I never got to know you.
I only remember what you look like because of the picture in my room.
I only remember what you smell like because of the box of your clothes we have saved downstairs.
But despite the fact that I don't know you,
I miss you.
I miss the times you could've taken me to all the daddy daughter date activities in elementary school. I miss the times you could've come to my dance recitals.
I miss the times you could've held me tight along with mom when I felt like I didn't have any friends.

But in a way, I guess you have been there for all those times,
and you will continue to be.

I have dreams that I know are a long shot.
but I feel you cheering me on and telling me to go for them anyway.
So thats what I'll do. I'm going to live my dreams for you.
I'll do it because I know thats what you want me to do.
You want me to be able to live a life of happiness like you were able to even though it was cut short.  Its amazing how death can show you how to do life.

So Thank You, Daddy.
Even though I wish more than anything that things were different,
and you could be here in person to show me how to do life,
I thank you for being there to show me in spirit.
I love you.
18 years.
Its been 18 years,
567,648,000 seconds since you've been gone,
but not one second of your presence ever unnoticed.

My Letter to Inspiration

Lack of Inspiration.

That's what I've got a case of. 

I've been continually asking myself, "how does one become inspired to do something?" 

Every good thing starts with a spark of inspiration. At least that's what i've grown up believing. 

But honestly, all i've been inspired to do lately is eat an entire package of Oreos within a couple days. 

Now thats sad. 

I'm at such a strange time in my life. Doing this thing called "growing up." And I really question why the heck that was all I wanted to do when I was a duckling. When I wandered away from my momma duck and decided to move out I realized that this independent life thing is not all its cracked up to be. It kinda sucks sometimes if i'm being honest. 

Anyway. I'm like working and being a college student and what not, and I just feel like anything that used to inspire me doesn't really do the job anymore. Maybe the dullness of adult life has just started to get to me. Peeling off my creativity and inspiration layers one by one.

I used to be inspired to write, to dream, to dance, to sing when I thought no one was listening.
I used to be inspired to think, to try, to become something.
I used to be inspired to find, to reach, to love.

but that inspirations gone...

or is it?

Maybe i'm inspired by nothingness. The idea of "nothing" inspires me. I mean that's how this post came to be. I could think of nothing to write about. And look, I'm writing.

INSPIRATION.

Maybe i'm inspired by boredom. I became so bored at work that I was trying really hard to find something to do. And that made me decide to write this post in the first place.

INSPIRATION.

Maybe I just suck at realizing that inspiration is sometimes so small that it can go unnoticed. It's such a strange thing, inspiration. It basically controls your actions. Everything you do was inspired by something. Whether it be good or bad. But then I'm a believer in things happening for a reason. So inspiration is like a fortune teller. It predetermines your path in your life, or your "fate" if you will.

Speaking of fate, maybe the three greek goddesses known as the fates are looking at your thread of destiny and figuring out when to send a "spark of inspiration" to you. And maybe i'm going too far with this. Actually yes, I know i'm going too far with this.

But anyway, maybe this is actually a letter of gratitude to inspiration; because I think it might deserve one.

So thank you, inspiration, for being there even when no one notices you or gives you any credit for what you did for them. I just want you to know that I notice you and I think you're pretty cool. Keep doing what you're doing because without you, this world would be extremely dull.

On behalf of humanity, THANK YOU!

Much Love,
Charly Rose

Hiking with the Mind of Augustus Waters and the Body of an Old Woman

"Lets go take a hike," they said.

"It'll be fun," they said.

But really. It was fun. 

A few days ago, my best friends and I decided to take a hike. Yet we are not exactly the hiking type. We're more like the lets - eat - junk - food - and - watch - Youtube - videos - about - boy - bands type. So naturally something was already wrong. 

Once we got to the place we were to hike, we started walking for a while. After walking on a completely straight and easy trail for at least 20 minutes, we realized that we weren't even on the RIGHT trail. Clearly we're professional adventurers. Clearly. 

Therefore, we had to turn around and go back to where we started and actually find the right trail to hike on.

Now I'll stop boring the heck out of you and actually tell you the point of this. 

While hiking up the mountain, between weirdly awesome conversations with my friends and avoiding my face making contact with the rocks and dirt, I couldn't help but think of metaphorically connecting life with a hike. Like the fictitious love of my life, Augustus Waters, I was thinking of metaphors for almost everything. (If you don't understand this reference I suggest you re-evaluate yourself.... Or maybe just go read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green). Anyway, I thought I'd share a couple of these metaphorical epiphanies with you. 

Finding the right path. This ones pretty obvious but I'm going to talk about it anyway. There are times in life when you might suddenly realize that the decisions you're making or the goals you maybe once pursued turn out to be what you didn't want after all. My friends and I started out going on the wrong path and when we weren't exactly reaching the destination we wanted to we went back to the beginning of the hike. So when you have those moments in your life that you don't want to continue the path you're on, rewind and go back to starting a new one that will result in a happier you.

Sometimes you just need to stop and enjoy the view. As you can imagine, hiking up the mountain is DEFINITELY not a walk in the park. We had to stop every few minutes to catch our breath and while perched on a rock taking a break I looked out into the valley and was pleasantly surprised. I thought about how amazing God's creations are and what a blessing it is to live in this world. I thought about the life I'm living and how far i've come, (not only in life, but also on the hike). We as humans all get so busy and stressed out about the world around us and the future we want to build that we forget to stop for a minute and enjoy everything we've accomplished so far. It's okay to be proud of yourself and the amazing things you've done. SO DO IT. ENJOY THE VIEW. please.

So there you have it, examples of the kind of things that would pop up in my mind while on this hike. Hikes are difficult, painful, tiring, enjoyable, beautiful, and satisfying at the end. And so is life.
We all live it, we all deal with it, we all feel it rushing by, and we all need to love it. Life may not be easy but it's worth it.

SO GO TAKE A HIKE.

Here's to a Continuation of Rambling.

This blog started out as one for a class in High School. One with topics given to me every week to write about; and of course I was graded on it so of course I had to post things on it. Don't get the wrong idea though. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. The class i'm referring to (creative writing) was just brilliant. It had brilliant people posting brilliant things and it obviously made my life brilliantly  brilliant. Now me, being the brilliant person I am, became incredibly lazy and no longer posted on this blog when it was no longer required of me to do so for a grade. Even after I promised myself that I would.

 Naturally, motivation was lost. As well as creativity. If what I write is even considered creative. Who knows.

Anyway my point is that after multiple instances of life evaluating and soul searching, (sense the dramatic-ness yet?)  as well as the year of torture and mislead fantasies that some would call "freshman year of college," I have decided to continue this blog.

Who knows if anyone will even read this. Who knows if anyone who might read this will even like it. But I'm doing this to keep my craving to write freely and creatively satisfied, and if anyone enjoys reading it, then welcome and thank you in advance for finding interest in the strange things my mind might regurgitate. And for those who might read a post and find it a big waste of time, don't worry I still love you and thank you  for visiting as well.

So here we go. I'm back to blogging. To rambling. To dangerously sharing my weirdness with the world (Not dangerous for me, but for you). You have no idea what you just got yourself into.

Good Luck kids.

XO - Charly Rose