567,648,000 Seconds.

18 years.
Its been approximately 567,648,000 seconds since you've been gone.
From time to time I wonder how different my life would be if you were still in it.
Would I be daddy's girl instead of mommy's shadow?
Would I be the trouble child you just wouldn't know what to do with anymore?
Or would I be the same I am now?
The same clumsy, dorky, awkward girl who escapes to her own world almost all the time,
who, if i'm being honest, you probably still wouldn't know what to do with.
Im pretty sure mom doesn't sometimes.

I never got to know you.
I only remember what you look like because of the picture in my room.
I only remember what you smell like because of the box of your clothes we have saved downstairs.
But despite the fact that I don't know you,
I miss you.
I miss the times you could've taken me to all the daddy daughter date activities in elementary school. I miss the times you could've come to my dance recitals.
I miss the times you could've held me tight along with mom when I felt like I didn't have any friends.

But in a way, I guess you have been there for all those times,
and you will continue to be.

I have dreams that I know are a long shot.
but I feel you cheering me on and telling me to go for them anyway.
So thats what I'll do. I'm going to live my dreams for you.
I'll do it because I know thats what you want me to do.
You want me to be able to live a life of happiness like you were able to even though it was cut short.  Its amazing how death can show you how to do life.

So Thank You, Daddy.
Even though I wish more than anything that things were different,
and you could be here in person to show me how to do life,
I thank you for being there to show me in spirit.
I love you.
18 years.
Its been 18 years,
567,648,000 seconds since you've been gone,
but not one second of your presence ever unnoticed.